Communication and Non-violence

The concept of communication can be an idea, a grievance, a suggestion, a request or just a fact. It is a transfer of information from one person to another which could be perceived and valued differently according to the relationship between the sender and the recipient. However, communication is always a two-way street. It is not only about talking but also about listening, doing the best to understand and connecting to the other person’s feelings and emotions.

In general, research shows that, while less of communication brings anxiety, frustration and irritability, listening and sharing feelings and emotions provide, happiness, more satisfaction and better health in relationships[3]. Communication gaps occur when the meaning intended by the sender is not what is understood by the recipient. Communication creates a relationship while the lack of communication can damage it and unfortunately sometimes, the only option some people adopt is violence.

Violence means acting in ways that result in injury or harm to another and is called violent communication.

Nonviolent communication

To communicate without violence is a tool, usually verbal that can be used to resolve conflicting situations. It is also a method that aims to create a dialogue between people founded on empathy, compassion, harmonious cooperation and respect of themselves and of others.

In his book, Marshall Rosenberg shares some ideas and explains how to resolve conflicts[4]. He is convinced that communicating the need is essential. It is fundamental to express ones needs as well as listening to the needs of others. This idea could be used to resolve personal conflicts that occurs in the family, with friends or at work but also as a mediator in disagreements between people.

Needs are not strategies but resources necessary for individuals to maintain harmony themselves and with others. Needs should never be referred as an action such as ending a relationship or asking someone to change a behaviour.

Usually, the strategies to end a conflict is close when both sides have expressed their needs. During a conflict, the lack of understanding in how to express needs seems to be an obstacle to a peaceful resolution when pain is involved. Because the suffering is too great, the distress people experience, inhibits them from understanding others so, the resolution of the conflict might come from the comprehension of this pain.

Strategies of positive actions

First, the needs of everyone should be understood thoroughly. The dialogue will be concluded by an action that satisfies the needs of both parties. Instead of continuing to blame or criticise the action of the other person, you have to clarify what to improve and clearly formulate expectations required from the other person in the relationship.

Acceptance and the capability to recognise the needs of someone is an understanding that every “NO” means that a need has not been considered by the proposed strategy and might prevent saying “YES”.